Bridezilla

I was warned not to become a 'Bridezilla' by someone when by RSVP date, nine months after the invites were sent and two weeks after polite and very friendly reminders, less than 20% of those invited had RSVP'd at all and less than 10% as asked, I was feeling upset and stressed.

Interesting term. So I googled it. There's 2,650,000 hits on Google.

From Wikipedia: A bride whose behavior is seen as demanding or unreasonable.

Let's look at the language around Bridezillas.

• Planning a wedding can turn a princess into Bridezilla, stomping furiously around town crushing those who seek to help her. (Help her - how many times does one politely say no to a person's offer of a 500 year old something that you don't want)

• A horrible selfish chick who will be getting married. (Amazing how you can be considered selfish when it's YOUR wedding)

• A self centered narcissist vein plane wreck. (See above)

• When a bride to be is SO ugly, the engagement announcement in the newspaper is printed without a picture. (Really)

• One ridiculous spoiled bitch that thinks she is the center of the universe, just because her "show" (the wedding) is 18 months from now. (We know which kind of guest this one will be)

• A woman who thinks that all things related to her wedding MUST be controlled by her or by her direct designate. (Because it's HER wedding)

• Bridezillas are a new breed of soon-to-wed women who abuse the idea that weddings are their "day." (Because it is)

• A woman who has become so possessed and obsessed with her wedding plans that she has merged into a hybrid events/catering/ambience driven monster. (again, one of those whinging guests)

• When the stress is on, brides really can go a little nuts. (Well stop putting on the stress)

Signs, apparently, you're turning into a Bridezilla.

• You Don't Have Time for Anyone (or Anything) Else (it's not easy organising a wedding)

• Know when to let go (We do, after the wedding)

• Dictating what guests wear (It's called a dress code)

• Asking for gifts (yeah, imagine not wanting six toasters)

Some advice to avoid turning into a Bridezilla.

• No bride looks pretty when she's angry. (She doesn't exist for your viewing pleasure, she is a person with valid feelings and emotions)

• It's you, not them. (I agree, it is YOU, not her)

• Relinquish a bit of control now so you'll still have friends. (Whose wedding is this)

• Keeping family dynamics stable during wedding planning is essential for peace. (Family should behave at weddings, Edited to add: So the bride is responsible for other people's behavior too).

• So relax and try to enjoy the planning process (I'll possibly hit the next person who tells me to relax)

• It's not a good idea to let the planning take over your life. It's all about finding balance. (Fuck off)

Good golly - really. 

Any Couple who has planned a wedding knows from the moment you announce right up until when everyone else has forgotten, all is on you. Let's consider who get the shit when things go tits-up?

I was sent a link to a Wedding RSVP card that covers every horrible wedding guest that possibly could be invited, but sadly it certainly doesn't.

There are dream wedding guests, yes really there are! These are the people who let you know they've received their invitation and RSVP by the date required, actually turn up, if they ask what gift you'd like - get what you asked for, organise  their own travel and accommodation (or are happy with what is provided), arrive on time, mingle with others pleasantly, enjoy and compliment the food and wine, listen to the speeches and laugh at the jokes. These people really do actually exist and we thank them from the bottom of our hearts.

For some people 'adulting' goes out the window as soon as they receive an invitation. every. last. bit. of. their. everything. is. now. your. problem.

For others, no matter what you do, or how far you bend over backwards, it's never going to be good enough.

Some seem to want to be be the centre of attention and be it through non-stop whinging and/or rude obnoxious behavior ensure that they are.

And yes, when things don't go as planned (or how SOME think they should) it is the Bride who gets the shit.

And it is. Women are socialised into being the social organisers of society(1). We traditionally buy the cards and pressies and it's usual in most relationships that she organises the 'family ties' stuff because that's what women do, we 'care for the family', (It's also been my experience that even though it's obvious I've bought the pressie and filled out the card, and ensured it's posted to arrive on time to his family - it's him they thank).

Even when something has gone wrong that the Bride has absolutely no control over whatsoever (like a bitch-faced celebrant fucking up the entire ceremony leaving the 'happy' couple very distressed and embarrassed).  The nasty guest will ensure everyone knows they place the blame squarely upon the Bride and make it as difficult and embarrassing as possible while ensuring they continue their bitching and obnoxiousness to obtain maximum attention.

Stressed Brides are called bridezillas, it's a label given with the intent to shame and control women's behavior in role that is socially constructed to meet an artificial standard.

Organising a wedding is stressful and this falls mainly on the Bride, she's not a bridezilla she is trying to fulfill the social expectations that people who label others bridezillas are placing on them.

So my advice to guests. Be a good guest (see above).

My advice to happy couples thinking of planning a wedding. ELOPE (and take your good guests with you)!