This evening I’m going to make you all feel uncomfortable, possibly
very uncomfortable, and I’m not going to apologise for that. Tonight I want to
persuade you to change the way you interpret what you see and hear in our
society and I want you to go and share these changes.
This is a controversial topic. It’s not going to be easy for
you to hear and it wasn’t easy to write. Many times last week I considered
changing my topic or opting out of speaking. But I was listening to Jim Mora’s
Panel and a panel guest raised this very issue, not only in horror that the
comedian used a rape joke in his act, but that most of the audience roared in
laughter.
Yes, rape isn’t supposed to be what nice people talk
about... or do. But it’s conservatively estimated that one in four men commit
rape in their lifetime. That seems a stretch until you consider rape as an
absence of consent, because that’s what it is. My quest is to challenge your
social norms and it is these social norms we all have to change to change the
culture. So what is rape culture?
Rape culture is a collection of beliefs and mores that
validate and perpetuate rape. It includes jokes, visual & print media,
laws, words and actions that make violence and sexual coercion seem so normal
that people believe rape is just the way that society is.
One of the fundamental concepts of rape culture is the idea
that rape is inevitable, that men have a claim to women’s bodies, they can’t
help themselves and women must therefore work to protect themselves. I can feel
there are heckles rising out there! Because you don’t think like that, Right?
But juries of your peers do.
In September last year (19/9/2013), A High Court judge believes a man was acquitted of
indecently assaulting two tourists because jurors felt the young women were
foolish for going out at night in Auckland "dressed as they were". This man was convicted of theft from the
women by the same jury. Presumably the jury didn’t deem them foolish for
carrying something the thief wanted...
Women grow up taught to
pre-empt rape attempts, to second guess motivations, to protect themselves. And
women are still raped. Women are raped drunk & sober, when they’re out and
when at home. Women are raped wearing short skirts or burqua, wearing school uniform
or pyjamas. Women are raped by men they know, and men they don’t. Women are
raped if they follow the rules and if they don’t. But above all the message is
clear. If a woman is raped, it’s her fault. After all, males are tricked into
acting on their natural desires by females who should know better.
In Ohio in 2012 an unconscious
woman at a party was raped & filmed, involving two stars of the Steubenville
High School Football team. These men were described by the papers, as ‘young
men with promising futures, very good students’ whose lives are falling apart’,
and that the ramifications of being registered as sex offenders will haunt them
for the rest of their lives.
That the men had been drinking
was used as an excuse for their behaviour. That the woman had been drinking
condemned hers, she should have known better. The victim’s family home was
burnt down, reportedly for bringing disrepute to the town. Only two men were
convicted of rape. But three public officials were convicted of perverting the
course of justice in trying to cover it up.
That’s an extreme case, only
brought to our attention, and to trial, because of its extremities. The act of rape is serious and condemnable,
absolutely. However, to bring our attention back to my focus which is the
culture normalising sexual violence and back to NZ, Rosemary McCloud, a
television reviewer, in her column earlier this year wrote of ‘children
unwitting enough to allow themselves in the company of accused Rolf Harris.’ I
hope, after listening tonight you too can see why this culture of victim
blaming has to change.
And let us not forget that rape is not just a
women’s rights issue - it is a human rights issue that
affects all identified genders and sexualities.
So, now I’ve convinced you we need change, what
can you do? Read truth into headlines and email journalists to hold them to
account. In NZ they’re statutorily obligated to be non-discriminatory, but the
broadcasting standards require a complaint to act, so complain. Don’t tell
jokes about sexual violence and if you hear them, ask why is that funny? Because
it quickly becomes obvious it’s not. And if there’s one thing I want you to do
for our future is instead of teaching your daughters how to not to be raped,
teach your sons not to rape.
There’s some information in the hand out
available tonight and if you need further convincing that you’re the change I’m
always happy to chat further on this topic.
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