Getting away from it all

Well, that's our goal, we've laid the path and started upon the stepping stones and it's all downhill on the slippery slope. Our journey's end will be good.

Sadly for too many who not only plan their escape to a better life, actually make the changes for themselves and children the past will not let them go.

Yesterday a Tauranga (2013) woman was stabbed by her former partner in a 'domestic incident'.

Glenys Stanton & Trevor Waite (2013) shot by her ex partner at her new partners home.

Barbara Ann Moka (2013) moved from Auckland to Rawene, was then found murdered and an Auckland man, first charged with an historic assault, is then charged with her murder.

Patricia Ann McGrath (2013) killed in her home by former partner who pled guilty to her manslaughter.

Alexsis Tovizi (2010) killed by her former partner who was jealous of her new partner.

Inayat Kawtha (2012) killed by ex partner released on bail against police advice, after an incident where he threatened to kill her.

Some horrible statistics, about half of homicides are family violence.

On average 14 women are killed by their ex partner every year.

Most murders happen

  • at the time of separation or after
  • when the abuser has less control, the woman files for a protection order, gets a new partner
  • when events occur that mean the abuse will be exposed
  • leaving does not mean the end of violence - it often gets worse after separation
Remember, these are murders, they make the media and can be counted and added to the statistics. I can hardly comprehend the fear, violence and harassment endured by those who do everything in their power to make changes for a better life for themselves and their children, and for those who stay.

So, why doesn't she leave - because most likely it will get worse.

I like the 'It's not ok' campaign and particularly this advertisement because it changes the onus from the victims having to change their behaviour to stop abuse to the perpetrator having to change their behaviour to stop abuse.

Because clearly, victims changing their behaviour, their home, their relationships, their lives to get away from it all, but often this doesn't stop the abuse. 
Only the abuser can stop the abuse and this is where the focus needs to be.

Many tears were shed while writing this, there are some harrowing stories and I am a very lucky lady.


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