Getting away from it all

Well, that's our goal, we've laid the path and started upon the stepping stones and it's all downhill on the slippery slope. Our journey's end will be good.

Sadly for too many who not only plan their escape to a better life, actually make the changes for themselves and children the past will not let them go.

Yesterday a Tauranga (2013) woman was stabbed by her former partner in a 'domestic incident'.

Glenys Stanton & Trevor Waite (2013) shot by her ex partner at her new partners home.

Barbara Ann Moka (2013) moved from Auckland to Rawene, was then found murdered and an Auckland man, first charged with an historic assault, is then charged with her murder.

Patricia Ann McGrath (2013) killed in her home by former partner who pled guilty to her manslaughter.

Alexsis Tovizi (2010) killed by her former partner who was jealous of her new partner.

Inayat Kawtha (2012) killed by ex partner released on bail against police advice, after an incident where he threatened to kill her.

Some horrible statistics, about half of homicides are family violence.

On average 14 women are killed by their ex partner every year.

Most murders happen

  • at the time of separation or after
  • when the abuser has less control, the woman files for a protection order, gets a new partner
  • when events occur that mean the abuse will be exposed
  • leaving does not mean the end of violence - it often gets worse after separation
Remember, these are murders, they make the media and can be counted and added to the statistics. I can hardly comprehend the fear, violence and harassment endured by those who do everything in their power to make changes for a better life for themselves and their children, and for those who stay.

So, why doesn't she leave - because most likely it will get worse.

I like the 'It's not ok' campaign and particularly this advertisement because it changes the onus from the victims having to change their behaviour to stop abuse to the perpetrator having to change their behaviour to stop abuse.

Because clearly, victims changing their behaviour, their home, their relationships, their lives to get away from it all, but often this doesn't stop the abuse. 
Only the abuser can stop the abuse and this is where the focus needs to be.


Many tears were shed while writing this, there are some harrowing stories and I am a very lucky lady.

https://womensrefuge.org.nz/users/Image/Downloads/PDFs/Factsheet13%20%20Power%20&%20Control%20Wheel%20English.pdf

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

New Zealand turning into Venezuela? More like Rwanda.

Image
  Sounds crazy? Remember this was a society where Hutus and Tutsis lived together, intermarried, lived and worked alongside each other. "In April 1994, when Rwanda erupted into violence, neighbor turned on neighbor, family turned on family, and love turned to hate. The Rwandan genocide turned friends into enemies. The once beautiful country was as ruined as any spot on earth — 800,000 people were brutally slaughtered in 100 days. Rwanda went down the identity politics road, with its citizens ethnicity identified . "Rwanda’s colonial period, during which the ruling Belgians favored the minority Tutsis over the Hutus, exacerbated the tendency of the few to oppress the many, creating a legacy of tension that exploded into violence even before Rwanda gained its independence. Radio hosts discussed discrimination the Hutus suffered under the power of the Tutsis. Strong connotations describing Hutus as slaves during colonization painted the Rwandan genocide as a type of slave rebell...
Read more

Update

Image
Yesterday (Thursday) I received a letter from Jeffery Montgomery the Registrar General at Internal Affairs. Some interesting wording: Expressed apologies that the celebrant XXXXXX ruined our wedding. That our complaint would be added to her file and considered at re-registration time. And:   Advising me to lodge a claim with Dispute's Tribunal.  I'd lodged my dispute the day before, all 45 pages (including ceremonies). That letter will be front and centre of my Disputes's hearing paperwork.  XXXXXX still hasn't apologised to us.
Read more

I didn't ask for an extention

Double-speak in academia is certainly a thing and my latest experience is not my first.  Some institutions are worse than others and I returned to the one in this story and it hadn't changed in 10 years.   Hi Lecturer, Thinking ahead to assignment two, the Submission, and the discussion we had around it during the contact course. You mentioned that you will be speaking more about this and the issues the coming election will have on the processes of the House with submission dates etc. My concern is with the time frames, as I need to fit my study around my current obligations, and ideally I would start my research and preparation as soon as I have finished assignment one.  Looking at the current Bills on the NZ Parliament site, there are few accepting submissions and they are closing soon and well before due date, (because the expectation was we were to submit after the academic assignment was marked). A topic of interest to me and social policy is https://www.parliam...
Read more